5 Tips on How To Choose Your Wedding Photographer (or any wedding vendors)
Now one of you has a ring on your finger, which means the proposal went well. The two of you have talked, maybe even included some parents in this space and you have figured out a date and a place you want to celebrate your wedding day. And perhaps now you are really excited to start getting into the actual planning of your wedding. Or maybe you are terrified and this is all a lot and you aren’t entirely sure what to do or how to do it or what to expect…AAAAHHHHH! and the anxiety now has hold of you and is taking you for a ride.
First, take a breath. All of those feelings are totally normal (unless you’re completely unphased, in which case skip ahead two paragraphs). It is a lot, though it really shouldn’t be. But we usually get married once in our lives, and so this is all new and you want it to go right or at a minimum quickly and there is no real guidebook to any of this, and even if there was, it’s likely outdated or not to your liking. So you take a look around you and your parents will have an opinion, your partner will have an opinion, your friends will have opinions…and yet you still aren’t sure. As I said above, it’s totally normal.
Several years ago, I met with a couple as they were doing their venue walkthrough (something couples will often do before their wedding day to scope out the areas again and get more detail of what is going where and how the overflow will look as well as shoring up any more detailed decisions) and I was blown away by one of the questions the couple needed to answer, the venue coordinator asked: “And then there is the issue of the napkins, how would you like those folded?”
The groom looked directly at me with a stare that said “help!” and I looked back laughed a bit and shrugged my shoulders. He turned around to the VC and said: “Nicely?” It was hysterical and it was honest, and truthfully I would have said the same thing. The coordinator then explained that there were about seven different options when it came to the napkins and it was then that I realized just how endless wedding day decisions can be.
Over the last ten years, I have had hundreds of conversations with couples, and I have spoken with most of my couples about their overall wedding experience - not just the day, but everything leading up to it. So I wanted to share what I have found to be some of the most telling and helpful tips for finding the right people for you. People that are going to make you feel comfortable. People that are going to look out for you. People that are going to know what matters to you and maybe more so what doesn’t.
Tip #1 - Think About How You Want To Feel After It’s All Over
This may seem strange to lead off with, but it really is the most important.
If you want to feel like your wedding was some sort of fantasy lived out IRL, then you can cut out about 50% of your choices. The same goes for if you want to remember the realness of your day, and maybe spend less time posing and more time interacting, after all, when is the next time all of these people will be in one place?
How do you want to remember this day? As pure perfection, as a semblance of beautiful moments and imperfect balance, or maybe a mix of the two?
There is no right answer, there is only your answer.
Maybe your friend gushed about how awesome their photographer was, but you remember that on their wedding day you weren’t in love with the way their photographer spoke to certain people, or maybe their attitude wasn’t your style. Sure the pictures were nice, but the photos are only part of the package. DO you really want to spend the better part of 8-10 hours with someone who irritates you at best and doesn't make you feel you can be yourself at worst.
Think about how you want to feel at the end of your wedding, and if in the first five to ten minutes the photographer you are speaking with isn’t getting that, asking about that, or you aren’t feeling comfortable and at ease, then kindly thank them and move on. Trust your gut, because your wedding day and the lead-up to it are too long to be intertwined with someone you don’t like.
Tip #2 - Have A Good Idea As To What Sort Of Photos You Want
By now you likely know the terms to describe photographers as either ‘light and airy’ or ‘dark and moody’. And if you don’t know those terms, then I am certain that you understood them as you started thinking of a photographer’s work that you may have already seen and or liked. But it goes beyond that.
What does the photographer focus on?
You should be able to look at a photographer’s website and almost instantly get a feel for what they do. Do you see a lot of detail photos of rings, shoes, dresses, flowers, etc? Then you can expect to see a lot of that in your gallery. Do you see a lot of emotion in the photos, that maybe pulls you in too? You will know that this photographer focuses on people and moments and maybe less on details. Are people at the forefront or are they somewhat smaller in the frame? This lets you know how close your photographer tends to shoot from and how they tend to frame up an image - so do you like small people/big world or do you tend to lean towards close and intimate. And finally, do you see a lot of black and white, or all color, or maybe a healthy mix or a leaning one way to the other? Again this tells you what you can expect, and then you need to ask yourself, does this match up with what I want.
If you have these questions in hand as you are looking over social media accounts and web sites, it will be so much easier to pull out the ones that fit and not waste your time (or theirs) on the ones that don’t.
Tip #3 - Referrals Are Great, But Know Where They Come From
If you follow me on social media or have read any of my site prior to this, then you know this much about me, I’m not one to blow smoke up your ass.
The wedding industry is like high school. It’s filled with cliques, plenty of folks pushing their agenda, and a lot of disingenuine personalities. Remember when Morpheus tells Neo that he didn’t tell him that he would like what he would see in the Matrix, only that it would be the truth? Well, for the moment I am Morpheus and you are Neo and you just swallowed the red pill.
At the top of the wedding vendor, food chain sits the venue, and the planners. Now maybe your friend’s planner was amazing and you really loved how the whole wedding flowed. And then through your own searching, you found an amazing venue with views for days and it just resonated so deeply with you. You feel you are really set on these folks and so you are speaking with them and you are on their sites and following their social media.
Well, their businesses are built on portfolios and networks that they have strategically created for their businesses to thrive. But what if they give you their preferred vendor list (usually a list of people they consider friends and business supporters - or even in some situations people who have paid them to be on said list) and you aren’t loving what you’re seeing but what they are showing you looks so good in the venue space or looks so beautifully decorated? Go back to tip #1 where I said trust your gut.
These folks aren’t trying to not give you what you want, but you have to know that anyone worth their weight in this industry has been in it for some time and so they know what has worked for them and a majority of their clients. That doesn't mean it’s going to work for you.
Your wedding day is first and foremost yours. And the truth is that your venue, your planner, your photographer, your videographer, your DJ, etc. they all want your day to go as you would like it to go. But you know when you’re in the car sometimes and you are going to the store, but suddenly you find yourself heading towards your office or your favorite cafe? You were on autopilot. Unfocused for just a second. Sometimes that happens in this industry too. Folks are so used to giving out certain names that they forget (and to be 100% fair there are SO many vendors in every category now that it’s impossible to know them all), and they just need a little tap so they can refocus on what you want.
If you see work from photographers they have recommended and it doesn't fit with what you have put together in tips #1 and #2, then ask to see something along the lines of what you are envisioning. Express what it is you are feeling, how you want to feel, and what you want to see. If they are any good, they will happily listen and help you to find what you want.
Tip #4 - Pay Attention To How They Make You Feel When You Talk
So you have done a lot of research and you have found some folks that you want to talk with, the next thing that will happen is you and your partner will likely end up on a phone call.
They say that first impressions are everything, and we as people sometimes forget this. Especially as it comes to our wedding vendors. The thought is “well, I like their work and it’s only one day, so those two or three little red flags are no big deal.” Now this way of thinking may work out for you with vendors that you won't see or talk with much before your wedding day (though I still wouldn’t recommend it), but it definitely can be exacerbated with your choice of photographer, planner, venue, videographer, and DJ. These are people you will spend a lot of time communicating with or will have influence over the feel of your wedding day. Don’t disregard the red flags.
For years I followed a generic script when talking to my couples: asked them how they met, how did the proposal go, how excited were they, what they did for a living, and maybe where they were planning to honeymoon. None of it was wrong, but I realized that none of it really mattered. I wasn’t there when they met. I wasn’t going to photograph their proposal. No one is going to answer honestly on the first call about how nervous they may be. I wasn’t be hired to do headshots, so what does their line of work matter. And as much as I love to vacation, they weren’t taking me on their honeymoon.
But what I really came to understand is that every other vendor they would speak with would ask the same exact questions and who wants to talk about the same things over and over again.
So I threw out the old script and just started talking to my couples the way I would talk to anyone I was naturally curious about or wanting to get to know. Why? Because like I said above, none of the other questions had anything to do with what they wanted from me and none of it would really help me understand them - and that was what I was there to do.
This isn’t to say that my way works for everyone, it most certainly doesn’t. But this is all to say pay attention to the flow of the conversation, are they asking you questions that matter or make you think, or are they asking you questions that everyone else is asking. It dpesn’t make one or the other the holy grail, it just makes it right or not right for you.
I have friends that walk into wedding days and genuinely can’t recall the names of the couple at the beginning of the day, or that don’t know anything personal about the couple at all. I sometimes hear “they just called me up a year ago and asked if I was available and I was so they asked how to hire me and then they did” and that’s that. I could never do that. It’s not my style. But for some people they aren’t looking for someone who cares about them, they just want someone who can make a decent photo.
So pay attention to how you feel when you first talk. Are you just looking for some quick info and they want to keep asking questions? Then maybe you need to thank them for their time, share that they aren’t the right fit, and move along. Or are you looking for someone to care about you and understand some of your idiosyncrasies, but they just keep talking shop about the process and asking redundant questions? Then again maybe thank them for their time, tell them it’s not a good fit, and move along.
Tip #5 - Keep Your Mind And Options Open
I’ve been married for fifteen years and have been photographing weddings since 2012. I have seen a lot change just in that relatively short period of time. I know I wish I would have taken more of an active role in my own wedding and realized that not all photographers are the same. But it was a different time - before social media, Pinterest, and excessive wedding blogs.
But if I were to get married today, this is what I would do.
I’d find a spot that my partner and I loved (absolutely outdoors - maybe some Bureau of Land Management land out west cause its free and there are some beautiful spots), I would invite only people that I and my partner are truly close to. I would hire my favorite photographer - shout out to Fer Juaristi - and let him dictate what we did. And then spend a few days camping and enjoying the time and the people.
That’s me, though. And this is 20/20 hindsight.
What I want to get across here in this last tip is that I know you are going to come into this planning with some preconceived notions and EEK! dare I say preplanned budget. And that’s all fine and normal. Though things are going to likely surprise you and you should be open to the surprise.
Maybe you had your heart on a female photographer, but this one guy you spoke with really resonated with you and your partner and you know something is pulling you that way - but you already talked and wanted to support a female business. Or maybe you had set your budget for a certain amount and this person that you are speaking with is on point and you are laughing and really vibing (maybe your usually stoic partner is even getting into it) but they are a few thousand more and that means you would need to either increase the whole budget or pull from another area. Or perhaps you have a list of five photographers and the second one was just it, but you are insistent you talk to everyone just because you scheduled the time with them and then the last one feels even better, and so now what do you do? And what if you are getting married in Oregon but the photographer you love is from North Carolina (hmm, which one could I mean?), do you just find someone else or see what travel costs are and how does that affect the budget?
I have a good friend who lives on the code of “yes”. Sure, he says no too, but to a lot of things he just says yes and he has stories that should fill books if he’d ever get around to writing them. And while we can honor ourselves by sticking to whatever boundaries we set (and damn do I believe in boundaries), we can also hold ourselves back from perhaps something greater if we had just stretched a little bit.
Ultimately you have to truly feel what is right for you and what is right for your partner and that may not be 100% the same. So you can’t look at choosing your wedding photographer or any other vendor for that matter as checking off boxes when it really should be more a sense of filling your cup.
I believe that your wedding day should be a fun day, even an incredibly memorable one, but it shouldn’t be put on a pedestal to be the best day of your lives as you have too many other days to live and make more memories and have more laughs and feel more things. And with that, your vendors aren’t going to be perfect either, but they should be right for what you ACTUALLY knowingly want and not simply what is suggested to you and these tips should help you get closer to knowing what this is for you both.
If this resonated with you and you would like to talk more, please click below and reach out so we can schedule our first call.